Discovering the Gnome Congress

It has been several years since I have visited Gnome Land and for the most part, I just forgot it existed because it is so far away. Today I happened to find a leaflet describing the Official Gnome Congress.

A funny photo of a small gnome swinging in a tree.

Reprinted from the Gnomepolitan Express

Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The Official Gnome Congress

Gettin’ away with thuggery things here is somewhat difficult. Only because we have so much official gnome governance here that nothing be private. The Gnome Congress be puttin’ their fat moldy fingers in everything we do. ….. Regulatin’ ….. Watchin’ ….. Listenin’ ….. Peerin’ through the peepholes of the outhouses. They have good intentions though; they just wants to make sure our little town can compete with the big cities abroad.

We have our Official Gnome Congress. This congress be constitutin’ many councils that regulates everything from outhouse etiquette to instructions on the bakin’ of beans. Here be a short list of the gnome folks that be makin’ all this stuff up:

The Official Gnome Congress

  • The Gnome Council on Foreign Quagmire Relations
  • The Council on Gnome Recipe Exchange
  • The Gnome Council on Literary Guidances
  • The Gnome Council on Toe-Tapping Toilet Relations
  • The Official Fireplace Gay Decor Regulatory Compliance Board
  • The “Kick ‘Em in the Shins Festival” Planning Committee
  • The Hot Potato Handling Techniques Committee
  • The Cinnamon Recycling Council
  • The Proper Gay Relationships Suggestionatory Board
  • The Council on Wild Gnomenclatures
  • The Official Gnome Council on Gnome Councils
  • The Gnome Bowling League Championships Regulatory Commission Board
  • The Limp-Wristed Writers Guildance
  • The Elders of Councils Chad-Countin’ for “Gnominate-a-Gnome Day”
  • The Council on Frayed Shoe Laces and Over-worn Lederhosen
  • The “Don’t Scare the Groundhog” Oversights Committee
  • The Gay Valentines Day Festival Guildance

and finally the

  • Gnome Public Intoxications Relief and Urinal Matters Committee

So we’s be hopin’ that you now have a better grasp of our Gnome Governances. As you can see – we’s be coverin’ just about everything to make a true, happy and psoriasis-free Gnome country up here.

As of today, we’s be havin’ several openin’s for seats on these councils. If you would like to apply and make a big gay difference in our town, please send fifty-pence in a stained envelope with name and address for an official application to:

Mrs. Breece McSavory

573 Trotshire Road #123213

Over and Out. – Floyd

Published by Floyd Kelly

I'm a simple man living in a rural mountainous area.

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