Recipe for Moogblarfen Sandwiches

A rustic photo of an old-style tea kettle and coffee urn over an open flame outdoors.

In the big cities abroad where the tramps and the whores play, nobody out there thinks that gnomes would have anything good to eat or any good recipes that will knock your gay socks off. And how they are wrong! Famous in this part of the world are the infamous and wildly entertaining Moogblarfen Sandwiches. And today, on my cooking show, we will bring joy and long sexual life to you if you only eat one of these sandwiches a day. Here on….

The Cooking With Farley Show

Every year, like clockwork, my family comes together to celebrate the annual rising of the Pumpkinhead Squirrels and this delicacy is our favorite. It takes patience and care to properly make these but rest assured the time spent creating these is time well spent.

Here are the things you should get at the grocery man place:

(Feeds 8 small-size gnomes. Larger gnomes, increase ingredients by 2)

12 Red Herring
2 lbs. Anchovies
1 lb. Sauerkraut (dried for 5 days) (Now if you are wanting to prepare this delicacy, be sure to buy and begin the drying process of the sauerkraut, 5 whole days before you start cooking this yumminess.)

Now, moving on.

8 oz. Prune juice
1 Cantaloupe mashed
1/4 cup Pine Nuts

1 cup of your favorite high-alcohol content cough syrup
1 loaf of Sourdough bread
2 lbs. of cooked beef liver
1/4 tsp. of salt
32 ounces of your favorite malt liquor
1 cup of pickled beets

First, take the herring and anchovies and mash together.

Oh, yeahhhh, mash and smash and bash and gash and keep mashin’ and smashin’ and bashin’ and gashin’ until the mixture resembles a gnome butt with heavy cellulite.

OK. As I just mentioned before. You will want to prepare ahead of time the sauerkraut, it needs to lay in the sun for 5 whole days so it is quite dried out.

So here, you will add into the herring and anchovie mix all of the beautiful and simply gorgeous dried sauerkraut.

Now … Add the prune juice and let it set for about 2 hours.

While that is setting, mash the cantaloupe really good. Add the pine nuts, cough syrup and my favorite, the pickled beets.

You will want to boil the beef liver in the malt liquor until the beef liver is very tender. Now if you are unsure as to what brand of malt liquor to use – I have a few suggestions that would really spike up this wonderful recipe. For those of you on a low budget, there’s Fraddigan’s Barely Barley or there’s Red Dragon Shits Brew – which is a dark malt.

Now, be sure to add some salt (just a grain or two will do) into the beef liver and malt liquor mix.

When the liver is done you will want to drain off the remaining beer that did not get absorbed into the beef liver.

Pour it off into a pitcher so you can easily fill the glasses later.

This wonderfully delicious and aromatic malt liquor can be served in shot glasses along with the sandwich later on.

For each serving, take a slice of sourdough bread and spread onto it a heaping scoop of the herring and anchovie mix.


MMMmmm HHHmmm…

Now, layer on top of that about a tablespoon of the cantaloupe mix.

And finally, on top of all of this, add one super gigantic heaping scoop of the liver and malt liquor mix. There you have it! A Moogblarfen Sandwich!

To eat this fabulous delicacy, Simply fold the bread to make a nice gnome-sized sandwich.


Please send me an e-mail if you enjoy this delicacy.

P.S. you will need tums afterwards

A gnome.

Published by Floyd Kelly

I'm a simple man living in a rural mountainous area.

2 thoughts on “Recipe for Moogblarfen Sandwiches

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