20 Things …

There are a few folks out there in the blogging world who have been wanting to know more about me. Yep! Amazingly, there are people who have been itching and scratching, wondering, begging, prodding me to do some splishy-splashy things in my blog so they know how I live. So, I will start with 20 Things You Will Not Find in My Home.

A graphic showing the text "20 Things You Will Not Find in My Home".


Broccolli – You will not find broccolli in my home, mostly because little trees make me sad.


Television – I have not owned a television in over 10 years and I don’t miss the experience.


Vehicle Tires – They belong on a vehicle and alas, I do not own a vehicle.


Eclairs – They don’t belong in a home, they belong in my tummy, so you will not find any in my home, sorry.


Frozen Pizza – For me, Frozen Pizza is too many complex carbs and I like to keep things simple, so, no, you will not find this in my home.


Green Eggs and Ham – To be honest, I don’t know who would have these in their home either.


Tin Foil Hats – I don’t need these because I can receive radio transmissions through my dental fillings, plus I get commercial-free broadcasts, so no need for any tin foil hats. Copper ones are okay, just not the tin foil ones.


Barking Cats – I don’t own any barking cats, mostly because cats don’t bark.


Sea Monkeys – I started a batch of Sea Monkeys last year but they outgrew the tank and I had to release them into the wild. Sigh. They were a lot of fun.


Candy Corns – Ugh! Yuck! Gag! Whoever created those 100% sugary gross things should have their head examined. Those candy corns at Halloween are the nastiest tasting things I have ever encountered. You will not find these in my home.


Scarecrows – Aside from when I first wake up when I’m ugly like a scarecrow – causing my dog to bark at me, that’s about it, otherwise they are all out back in the corn field.


Pre-formed chicken shapes – I like to make my own chicken nuggets with real chicken, so you won’t find any of these in my home.


Political Things – I am not into politics, so you will not find anything like that in my home either.


Used BINGO Cards – The Sisters of Perpetual Merriment and the Reformed Witnesses of the Handmade Tortilla Church gave me some used BINGO cards, but I eventually threw them away because they were not doing me any good. I tried to give them back but they insisted.


Dulcolax – I’m okay in that department, so there is no need for that in my home.


Turkey Bacon – There is not any turkey bacon in my home, mostly because it reminds me of the unfortunate demise of Turkey Lurkey. Seriously though, I prefer the piggly wiggly bacon – it just tastes better.


Drugs and Alcohol – I’m already whacked-out as it is, so you won’t find these in my home.


Augustus Gluten – You will not find Augustus Gluten in my home. Once, he tried visiting me to train my Sea Monkeys, but I wasn’t gonna have it, not in my home. I think he was after my chocolate, but that is all mine.


Velvet Paintings of Elvis Presley – You won’t find any of these in my home; I think it’s his sideburns that ruin the good Feng Shui in my home.


Dangling Participles – Those belong in a blog, not in my home. Dangling Participles leave me wanting more, that’s why I don’t have them in my home.

So there you have it, you have just discovered 20 things that you did not know about me. You can stop itching and scratching and wondering and prodding now. I hope it was an enjoyable read, I’m not the best at blogging about 20 things. So send me a message about some things you do not have in your home. I’m anxiously waiting; really really anxiously waiting.

Over-N-Out. – Floyd

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Published by Floyd Kelly

I'm a simple man living in a rural mountainous area.

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