The Top 10 Library Items in Gnome Land

You people in the big cities have it made big time. We get your daily newspapers and books shipped to us up here in far away Gnome Land, which gives us a good idea as to how you people live daily. For those of you new to our society, Gnome Land is 10 kilometers north of Kleistenschlectenbergenstein – yes we are very far away from you.

A stack of old books.
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on

So far, our very astute gnome librarian has managed to catalogue many of your famous and worldly newspapers for us to read. We have a few books, but mostly newspapers. With newspaper names like “The Great Karaoke Machine”, “The Horseshoe Dailies”, and the famous “Porcupine Social News” we are very knowledgeable.

Yes, here in far away Gnome Land, we manage to stay on top of your steamy worldly affairs.

We use to get an obscure newspaper shipped to us called the “Boston Globe”, but nobody would read it and most of the time our gnome families would just take it to the outhouse – only to never be seen again.

The most popular of newspapers we receive here is called “The Daily Joys of Proud Pecs”. If you go to our library here you will see that the checkout card always be showin’ constant checkouts and check-ins of this popular newspaper.

Today, upon closer inspection, I noticed this particular newspaper seems to always be checked out by one person – Phooey Buckeye – you remember him don’t you?

Now that I think about it, every time I see Phooey Buckeye strollin’ around our streets, he does seem to have an oversizeable chest area. That must be one good readin’ for him to be so obsessed with literary chesty prowess.

We don’t have too many books here. If you have some you can ship to us we would be much obliged. Of the books we do have, here is our top list of checkouts.

Our Top-10 checkouts at the library this month are:

  1. How to Feed a Rabbit with Tongs
  2. Macrame for Gnome Dummies
  3. The Greatest Jockstrap Ever Sold
  4. Simple Repairs for the Fat-Fingered Gnome
  5. The History of Moogblarfen Sandwiches
  6. How to Watch Bean Sprouts Grow
  7. Avoiding Smelly Traps – House and Home Weekly
  8. The Woes of Flabberflatulence and Gastrations
  9. The Ultimate How-to Guide on Making Hazy-Weed-Cigars
  10. Bunched-Up Lederhosen Debacles

Now that you have a better idea as to our astuteness and literary prowess, feel free
to drop by our library and sit for a spell. We do allow one pint of ale per gnome per readin’ time.

This Public Services Message
brought to you by:
The Gnome Council on Literary Guidances

A small shack covered with hay and sod.
Photo by Matheus Bertelli on

Public Library located at
128 Green Fig Lane
(downtown – next to Titley’s Fig Shack)
Library Hours: Noon to 1 p.m. on Mondays Only

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Published by Floyd Kelly

I'm a simple man living in a rural mountainous area.

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