As I write this blog post, I find myself somewhat weary. I spent the past two weeks uploading a Google+ takeout file which contained over 200 old posts that I wanted in my personal blog.
The process was slow and my poor computer mouse has been put through it’s paces. I did complete my work and I am glad it is now complete.
The work I am talking about is the creation of a multi-page document detailing my 2-year journey of taking various Intelligence Quotient (IQ) tests that are scattered around the internet.
I suffer from a cognitive disability that as far I’m aware of – does not have a name. I have yet to find a physician that can help me with this affliction. My cognitive abilities have degraded with aging. And, along with that, my brain does not function at a regular pace. Some days I am very smart; but if you encounter me in a week, I am dumber than a doorknob. My brain seems to fluctuate in extremes from smart to dumb and back again. I would not wish what I experience on any person as it is debilitating.
I became so concerned a few years ago that I decided to start taking tests so I can measure what is happening to me. Over the years, I discovered a vast array of tests and quizzes on the internet. I fail many of the tests and then a few days or weeks later I pass many tests. It is somewhat difficult to put into writing.
You can view my collection at this page titled “Challenge Yourself with These IQ Tests”. I was intentional about the title of the page, because I did not want my test results to be just about me, but to help other people who like to challenge themselves.
Shedding more light on my mental capacity; I am an old man – that is how society perceives my existence. As most men my age have experienced certain “manly” things; my cognitive disability has not allowed me to experience the same things.
For example, even though I am considered an elderly person and should have experienced certain things in life by now – in all my years – to this day –
I have a hard time counting money and have been fired from jobs because I was unable to do simple things like operate a calculator or balance the till as a cashier.
I failed math in high school and was unable to get past introduction to algebra.
I do not know how to use firearms (weapons).
I don’t know how to operate much machinery, even a simple lawnmower is a challenge.
I once drove a vehicle for years without changing the oil because I did not know I was supposed to do that.
I had a flat tire that needed changing on my vehicle and the locals pointed out that I put my tire on backwards.
I did not build my first campfire or a fire in a fireplace until the age of 40; because I did not know how to do that.
Anything that is mechanical and common to people my age is not present in my life. There are so many things that normal people can do, but I am unable to do myself. I could go on-and-on about such things, but I think I have said enough.
Coupled with what I just told you, I also suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and many days are just plain terrible for me. I also suffer with PTSD from the extreme child-abuse I survived from the age of 6 to 17.
Add to all of this that I have lived in isolation for many years and I can go weeks without talking to another human being. I have gone so very long without having a conversation with people that I find myself losing the ability to speak; to pronounce words.
So the post I created about my IQ is simply to show what I used to be like; and also to ask the question – how can this all be? I find comfort mostly in silence, solitude and being away from people. I go out of my way to stay away from all people. I do like to communicate with people, mostly by way of the internet – mostly it is people who have no interest in me.
If you are reading this, you can help me have a better day by leaving me a comment. So many people read my blog posts but could care less to even say a hello. It adds to my dreary depression. I try to reach out to people but it seems many people just do not care.
Thank you for reading. – Floyd