Titley’s Fig Shack and Hippie Mistletoe Brew

When Titley’s Fig Shack first opened up shop downtown, most gnomes around here didn’t think it would last for very long. With a wild assortment of figures and figurines in most of our shops, there wasn’t really any room for another fig place. So it took a while for us to warm up to this new excursion place.


At first, it was the usual – or so we thought. Figgy pudding, fig noodle soup, fried figs, fig and anchovie-mustard sandwiches … well, the list goes on. Yes, these are all yummy treats but we can make these at home and save some pence in the process. Additionally, figs are typically used to fall asleep – they be wreakin’ havoc on gnome physical layouts and knock us out cold when we eats them.

So needless to say, Titley’s Fig Shack was usually only doin’ business after midnight.

Last year, the shop almost went out of business. With the hubbub and going-ons of the downtown area during the day – nobody wanted to fall asleep by sippin’ or munchin’ on figs. So the proprietor of Titley’s Fig Shack figured it be high-time he did something to keep his business goin’.

Titley's Fig Shack
Titley’s Fig Shack in downtown Gnome Land
Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

So he hired one of those hippies. His name was Autumn Sullivan. A bedroom-eyes kind of fellow. And upon first glance – we’s be thinkin’ he be one of those sexy gay party men that likes to shake and shimmy with the purple beads on the dance floor. We were wrong. Turns out, he actually be a world-famous alchemist of sorts.

Last night, I could not get to sleep. So I strolled through the downtown area to go pay Titley’s Fig Shack a visit for a nighttime snack. Upon arrivin’ I could smell the goodies and treats and the wild and crazy “knock me out” kind of food stuffs. On display were the famous oyster-fig droplets, fig and pork meatballs and the wonderfully delicious fig and liver streudels.

So I stood there for about an hour tryin’ to make up my mind.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen out back, Autumn and Titley were concoctin’ up somethin’ to save the business. Peerin’ over the counter out front, I could see things flyin’ through the air, pots and pans bristlin’ with excitement and an occasional puff or two of a hazy-weed-cigar.

“Hey Titley!”, I yelled.

Titley yelled back, “Is that you Farley?”.

I replied, “Yep. It be just little ol’ me. I can’t sleep. Help me out with some eye-shuttin’ snacks, will ya.”?

So then Autumn and Titley came out front with a big bowl of somethin’ steamy and bubbly.

“Here, try this on for size. It’s what we call Hippy Mistletoe Brew. Mistletoe isn’t just for kissin’ and Christmas ya know.”, said Autumn.

So I took the bowl to give it a good whiff with my fat nose – to test the waters – so to speak.

My eyeballs immediately went cross-eyed. “That’s some funky smellin’ stuff!”, I exclaimed.

“Go ahead, have a few sips…”, said Autumn.

“Are you kiddin’ me? This kabooki smells like … well … kabooki sushi!”, I replied.

So as not to be impolite, I took a few girly gnome-like sips of this strange smellin’ concoction. I must say I was thoroughly surprised. Even though the bubbly smelled like yesterday’s kabooki sushi bakin’ in the sun – it didn’t taste half bad! Quite delicious.

“Not bad! What’s in this?”, I asked Autumn.

Autumn replied, “Well, its just murky water out of your waterin’ well. I warmed up the water some, threw in a beautiful mistletoe leaf and a tablespoon of warm kabooki sushi I found outside.”

I immediately put the bowl on the counter and wiped off my gay lips. I told Autumn and Titley, “Ummm…no thanks. I’ll just have a fig.”

Over-N-Out. – Floyd


Published by Floyd Kelly

I'm a simple man living in a rural mountainous area of Northeast Washington state (US). I like to blog, create music, create 3D graphics/videos and take care of my wonderful dog.

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